Complaining is an art of communication. When you complain to your spouse, it requires more skills and considerable work. Knowing when to complain is just as important as other skills. If you pick up the wrong time to complain, you might end up in an argument with your spouse.
So when is the good time to complain to your spouse? You must make the decision on your own, because no one has the exact same situation. Here are three guidelines you may find helpful.
1. Bring up the problem when you both are calm and relaxed.
We all tend to listen better when we are calm and relax. Imagine when you arrived at home frustrated from the workplace spied by bossy manager, traffic jam and ridiculous customer complaints. You can almost explore if there is a lighter. When you just sit down on the coach and want to lay back and clear everything out of your mind. Your partner started to question you when dinner will be ready and why the fridge is empty. How do you feel? Attacked, blamed…etc. It works the same way on anybody.
It’s not a smart choice to complain when your spouse is on fire. Talking out problems can make you feel better, but it’s easy to start an argument if the timing is not right. Because the one takes complaint can easily feel attacked. And the natural human response to attack is to defend it or fight back. Anyone under this circumstance can become defensive and counterattack which adds the fuel on the fire.
2. Talk about the problems when no one else is around.
The ideal moment to talk about problems is when nobody else at home or no one else is around when you are out. Complaining to your spouse when people are around like in street or a restaurant can make your spouse feel stressed or embarrassed.
Some people have the logic that the only way to make people change is to cause them pain. So they believe by embarrass their spouse can make their spouse change. It just works the other way. Not to talk about how it can harm your spouse’s self-esteem. You have to remember that your spouse always have the right to make the choice. When your spouse can’t take anymore, he or she might pull away. No matter what happened, keep the issue in house.
3. Don’t wait for it become an even greater problem.
Deal with problems when it arises. Problems don’t go away and it will become greater instead. However, it doesn’t mean you always have to bring it up immediately. You still have to consider about the timing refer to point 1 and 2. If your spouse is not in the mood for talking or there are people around, just wait until you get home and everything calms down.
If you want to complain to your spouse without starting an argument, take serious consideration about the timing. Without timing, other complaining skills won’t work effectively as they supposed to.
Originally posted 2016-11-17 13:31:29.